There is a place where the sidewalk ends And before the street begins, And there the grass grows soft and white, And there the sun burns crimson bright, And there the moon-bird rests from his flight To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black And the dark street winds and bends. Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow, And watch where the chalk-white arrows go To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow, And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go, For the children, they mark, and the children, they know The place where the sidewalk ends.

Shel Silverstein

New eyes

The last year has been kinda tough. So much stress and uncertainty. I think it's time to reassess and maybe find some new eyes . New eyes, that let us see things in a new way.

That was then

See, a long time ago, I was working in a grocery supply warehouse, as a shift supervisor. My hours were 2pm to 2am, 6 days a week. I made $30,000 a year. I eventually realized that no-one around me had a life I wanted to emulate. The only people I knew that took real vacations worked in an office setting. They had to wear collared shirts and slacks. I also realized that I wasn't very good at the work I was doing. Probably more importantly, I didn't really care if I ever got good at the work I was doing.

I remember the day I quit. I went to a temp agency and told them I wanted a job in an office. They asked me if I knew Excel. Of course I did (I lied). They made me take test and I passed. A couple of days later, I'm working in an office collating spreadsheets. Life is good. Until I wake up with a qwerty tattoo on my face. Can't have that, I'm a temp. Doesn't really matter how mind-numbing the work is, just do the work.

I had no school, no training, only a desperate desire not to lose my job. I needed an edge. I would eventually be diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder many years later, but at this time, I just knew that when bored I would literally fall asleep within minutes if I didn't actively do something to prevent it. I stumbled across the record macro button and decided to see what it did.

As it turns out, that macro button changed everything for me. It would record everything I did in the spreadsheet into a hidden sheet in that workbook. It used a language called Visual Basic for Applications. Suddenly I had a puzzle to solve, not just a bunch of checks to do by rote. I eventually figured out how to automate everything I needed to do for each spreadsheet.

Looking back at this period in my life, I was incredibly lucky in two important respects. First, the prior version of Excel only recorded in the original key-stroke, cell notation. This was the first version of Excel that recorded in VBA. Second, I had a great boss. She was delighted by what I had done and mentored me for the remainder of my temp assignment, even writing me a letter of recommendation that helped land my first programming job.

In 1995, I didn't know module from function. I'd never heard of object oriented, procedural or even imperative programming. I was 5 years removed from a failed attempt at college (I had entered college to get a degree in English, only to drop out after my 1st year because I didn't have any more money). My last math classes were 8th grade algebra and 9th grade geometry (nearly 10 years prior). The only thing I had going for me was the willingness to look at something and saying, yes, I can do that. I had new eyes.

I got my first job programming using VBA for Excel and Access in 1995.

This is now

It's time to reassess. Look at old problems in a new way (hopefully, with new eyes). Some of the goals I'm working toward:

1. Computer Science Degree

I started back to school a couple of years ago. I'm about 2 years away from completing my degree in Computer Science.

2. Mind the Gap

I have a pretty good idea of what I don't know, and the (too many) concepts that I struggle with. It's time to fix that.

• It's time to be able to discuss Big-O notation, understand the implications of it, and rationally address the impact.
• I do need to understand algorithms beyond the ability to not recommend bubble sort.
• I also need to understand data structures beyond knowing that an array has the least overhead.
• Get faster at problem solving. While a little nebulous, I'll settle for being able to solve some of the programming challenges on my first try.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone

If you are not challenged by something, it's time to reassess. Prior to the shutdown, my personal challenge was in my hobby. I was a competitive dancer, judge, and teacher. My fulltime job was programming, but I didn't really work at it beyond getting up to speed with a given tool/framework/. I worked at dance. I took coaching, had a regular practice schedule, was active on social media, competed, judged and taught nationally. I routinely challenged myself, my understanding and my ability.

While I will never stop dancing, the last year has given me a chance to evaluate where putting that kind of focus will be the most rewarding for me and my family. I've realized that focusing on the tools/talents/skills that I bring to my career is just as personally rewarding, but far more likely to be financially rewarding as well. Which brings me to my final goal:

3. Interview with a FAANG company

I was contacted by both Amazon and Facebook this year to see if I was interested in interviewing. I indicated my interest, but also made it clear that now was not a good time for me. I, in no uncertain terms, was not ready for their rigorous process. But I will be. I may not get the job. I don't control that part. I will be prepared when I do the interview. Most importantly, I will have challenged the boundaries of my comfort zone.